Breaking News: Philadelphia Set Voting Record

Philadelphia, PA– Philadelphia today saw the most votes cast in the city’s history as measured by percentage and raw numbers. Oddly enough, only about 4,000 people actually showed up at polling places to cast votes. “It was remarkably efficient,” said Philly Mayor Nutter (D). “We managed to break voting records without forcing people to leave work early or find the polling places. This is a model for the country.”

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