Welcome to America's Weirdest Home Videos

We are being lied to, again.

Americans awoke Friday to a hear the tale of two men in their underwear fighting over a hammer at 2:20 a.m. The world’s most ingenious screenwriter could not have conjured up that image, but the freak-show carnival of mayhem that is 21st century America provided us another weird distraction.

Catturd ™ @catturd2

Two men in their underwear hammer fighting is so yesterday.

The government and press immediately blamed Donald Trump, who was 3,000 miles away watching The Gorilla Channel at the time. The media ran false stories that one of the men, a psychotic drug addict from Canada named David Depape, was a Trump supporter and, of course, a “conspiracy theorist.”

Ian McKelvey @ian_mckelvey

Last night’s “right wing” homicidal maniac lived in a house called the “hippie collective.” The house was adorned with a LGBTQ flag, a Black Lives Matter sign, and another sign reading “Berkeley Stands United Against Hate.” https://t.co/LUSWBRa9jj

President Biden and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Dan Rather and Laurence Tribe, and thousands of others have provided a simple narrative to explain David DePape’s 2:30 a.m. attack on Nancy Pelosi’s 82-year-old husband. The narrative is this:

Inspired by right-wing fascism fueled by Donald Trump, David DePape attempted to assassinate the Speaker of the House.

That will be the official narrative from now own, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

Ironically, all evidence is to the contrary. Every official word has been a lie, even the conjunctions and punctuation marks.

First, what we know:

• When Paul Pelosi called 911, he described DePape as “a friend.”

• DePape was wearing only his underwear. Pelosi’s state of dress has not been revealed.

• Police reported that “the door was opened by someone on the inside” when they knocked.

  Greg Price @greg_price11

  For people not paying attention, the story now is that a nudist in his underwear with a hammer snuck into the Pelosi residence, a wellness check sent the police there, they knocked on the door, a THIRD person let them in, at which point the man began assaulting Paul Pelosi.

  

  Stephen L. Miller @redsteeze

  What? https://t.co/sVI6L3pMIN https://t.co/mKvUYcMVFX

• The 911 call requested a health and welfare visit, not a break-in.

Adding suspicion to the official story, police did not report a break-in or a broken window in their first press conference. In fact, the initial presser left the impression that DePape, like the police, was admitted to the Pelosi residence by someone inside.

But there’s more that casts looming shadows of doubt on the official narrative.

Numerous people familiar with the Pelosi’s security scheme report that all of the Pelosi’s four residences have full-time staff and uniformed officers at all times. Why did they not respond? Were they dismissed before DePape arrived?

Harmeet K. Dhillon @pnjaban

My firm served a lawsuit against Paul Pelosi one time in SF after attempting to serve at other residences—Napa, Georgetown. They weren’t home, but staff were, & multiple law enforcement officers were on the perimeter. Break-in is odd given this level of security.

Further, there was no report of the supposed broken window triggering an alarm. It seems unlikely the Pelosi home lacks an electronic security system. Based on the reporting, my home has more security features than that of the Speaker of the House.

Maybe we’ll get more answers from the FBI which, according to reports, paid a visit to DePape’s residence yesterday.

FBI agents getting hammered at the DePape residence in San Francisco

Welcome to America’s weirdest home videos. Which reminds me: we haven’t seen any security video footage yet, and something tells me we never will.