Reward Offered for 1,000th Killed American (satire)

With the American military death toll since the beginning of the war in Iraq at 999, expectant news agencies have launched the “Million for A Thousand” reward program. CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, New York Times, Washington Post, LA Times, AP, Reuters and the BBC are jointly sponsoring the program, which will pay $1,000,000 (US) to the Iraqi or foreign terrorist who kills the 1,000th American.

“This will be such a windfall for both news circulation [or viewership] and for the Kerry campaign that we all thought the person who delivers the story, so to speak, should share in the reward,” said a CNN spokesman on condition of anonymity. “We’re hoping that the 1,000th death comes before Kerry slips any further in the polls, or it may not help.”

The White House said that plans are in place to take out the last of the insurgents before another American is killed.

“The only way to describe Americans who pay to have American soldiers killed is ‘traitors,'” said Vice President Cheney campaigning in Ohio.