Senator John Kerry, when asked about Admirla Boorda’s suicide a few years back, commented that suicide is probably the appropriate response to disclosure that one knowingly wore military decorations not officially awarded.

I’m sure, then, that the Senator would agree that intentionally passing fraudulent documents as real in order to influence a presidential election is also grounds for suicide. Therefore, I am herewith launching the Dan Rather Suicide Watch.

Shortly, we’ll introduce contests for Pick the Time and Date, Pick the Method, and Write Dan’s Suicide Note which we’ll have certified as authentic by CBS’s own Marcel Matley.

Fun and games for. We’re gonna miss you, Dan. Have fun in the great beyond. Say hello to Satan, FDR, and the Rosenbergs for me, will you?