May 5, 2020

231 words 2 mins read

Doomsday Doctors Make the Best Case for Opening the Economy

Doomsday Doctors Make the Best Case for Opening the Economy

A lot of doctors seem to derive much pleasure from convincing people that Coronavirus will kill us all very soon. Very soon. These are the Doomsday Doctors. And if they’re right, we need to eliminate all behavior restrictions immediately and enjoy our final days.

The latest tactic of the Doomsday Doctors is to report (non-peer reviewed) that the Coronavirus has mutated into a weapons-grade killer that no one can avoid or resist. This latest mutation is deadlier and more contagious than the one we’ve all grown to know and love. This new strain is the mean twin that’s killing people en masse, and it will only pick up steam as the weather turns to summer.

The dumb Doomsday Doctors hope their (unverified) report frightens people into staying in their homes. But it will have the opposite effect, if anyone believes it.

If we’re really all doomed, then let’s live it up! Why die in prison when you can ride off into the sunset?

If Coronavirus is mutating in something even worse, we have no hope for a vaccine. You cant hit a moving target. Further, rapidly mutating microbes will quickly make treatments like Remdesivir useless. So the Doomsday Doctors leave us with no hope of surviving this pandemic.

Since there’s no hope, according to the Doomsday Doctors, let’s go celebrate Cinco de Mayo and enjoy the last days of our lives.