July 5, 2016

531 words 3 mins read

Hillary Left the Gate Open and Laughed

Many people grew up with dogs and backyards. If you are such a person, you probably remember being to told to make sure the gate’s shut and locked. Or maybe you were told not to use the gate at all because the dog might get out.

A lot of people who grew up with dogs suffered emotional trauma when something bad happened to their dog. Imagine how you’d feel if you were seven or eight and you left the gate open and the dog got out and got hit by a car.

Not only would you feel terrible, you’d probably get in a lot of trouble. Your siblings would sort of hate you for a while, wouldn’t they? Your mom and dad would probably punish you. But mostly you’d feel terrible because you left the gate open and the dog got out and got killed. All because of you.

Your emotional suffering, in this case, shows you’re emotionally stable and normal.

Now, imagine another kid. Let’s call her Hillary, just for convenience. Hillary’s mom and dad yelled at her to make sure the gate’s locked, too. But Hillary ignored them. She left the gate open, the dog got out and was never seen again.

Unlike you, though, Hillary didn’t feel bad at all. Hillary laughed. Her mom and dad, being very progressive parents, figured the pain of losing her dog and the guilt of being culpable for the lost dog were punishment enough. (They figured her laughter was an attempt to cover up her anguish.)

Unlike you, Hillary is probably a psychopath. Maybe Hillary has borderline personality disorder. Whatever Hillary’s diagnosis, she’s not normal like you. She’s kind of dangerous.

Today the FBI director told us that Hillary Clinton is a lot like the Hillary in this story. She was told to keep the gate shut and locked, but she didn’t. Hillary left the gate wide open because she wanted to. She used personal email servers with zero security–worse security than a typical home computer. And the dogs–classified intelligence of the highest order–got out. We don’t yet know the extent of the damage Clinton did. Secrets leaked can be like time bombs that blow up later. Of course, Hillary just laughs about her gross negligence because her parents decided not to punish her.

Identity politics is a real thing, so Hillary Clinton will probably dominate the psychopathic vote in November. Everybody with borderline personality disorder will vote for her. So will all the people who killed their dogs as kids and didn’t get in trouble for it.

But regular people like you and me will see a dead dog every time we see Hillary Clinton laugh. Eventually, the sight or sound of Hillary Clinton laughing will make you feel disgusted and sick and sad. You’ll remember pets you’ve lost when Hillary speaks.

That’s what the FBI told us today:** Hillary Clinton laughs when pets get killed. **

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As far as I know, Donald Trump never laughed about a pet getting killed, which is why I wrote Turning On Trump. If you love pets and you keep the gate shut, you should read my new book. It has a much happier ending.