March 8, 2013

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Why John McCain Wants the GOP To Go First

John McCain doesn’t want the Republican Party to outlive him.

He’s afraid. Afraid that, after he’s gone, his political widow will remarry someone younger, sexier, more fun.

Thursday, March 7, 2013: Senate Office Building, Washington, DC

In the dark cloisters of his Senate office, McCain leans back in his chair, tie loosened, jacket tossed casually over a guest chair, fingers interlaced behind his white head, and broods.

He sees those rascally young libertarians–the ones who actually want to own their own lives–plunging into the party. “My party, goddammit!”

McCain leans forward, now, elbows on desk, and rubs his face.

“I won’t have it. I won’t have the love of my life . . . violated by those damn kids. Punks!”

He sips Scotch from a carved crystal rocks glass.

“Rand Paul. Homewrecker!”

Rand Paul’s the Senator pushing this union between the young libertarians and Senator McCain’s political bride–the GOP.

“Screw them all.”

He’s up now. Walks around the desk to retrieve his suit jacket. Slides it on. Leans across the wide desk to grab the Scotch and downs it.

“I’ll fix this.”

He heads out the door to take to the Senate floor and tell the world about Rand Paul’s plot to hook up the Republican Party with those liberty-loving kids who don’t respect their elders.

“Liberty my ass,” he mutters as he passes a pair of 20-somethings in the hall outside. “I didn’t spend five and a half years in a Vietnamese prison camp for . . .”

UPDATE:  Rep. Justin Amash slams McCain to the canvas on twitter:

Sen McCain called @senrandpaul @sentedcruz & me “wacko birds.” Bravo, Senator. You got us. Did you come up with that at #DinnerWithBarack?

— Justin Amash (@repjustinamash) March 8, 2013