We all know the trouble when a people, however recently formed, lose their homeland. Even if given privileged guest status in another country, they tend to make trouble for everyone around. (Think Palestinians.)
The Taliban continue to wage war against freedom in Afghanistan. Likewise, the vile people of Berkeley, California, wish to be free of the burdens of freedom. I have the solution:
Cede Berkeley, California, to the Taliban.
Radical Islamists would love the location and the accomodating people. Berkeley women would enjoy the new fashion mandates. The Marines would close their despised recruiting station and, instead, set up a perimeter to keep the Taliban–and all other Berkeleyites–from leaving the area.
And talk about tree-hugging! The city that banned barbecues ages ago would return to the time of Christ. No more BMWs and Toyota hybrids. Greenhouse gasses would come only from Berkeleyites’ measurable hind ends and those of their sheep and goats. Chicken would range free, as most of the people wouldn’t afford cages.
Best of all, with the Taliban hierarchy in California, monitoring their activity would be much easier. The NSA could track its every move, along with the activities of Berkeley’s resident seditionists.
To get the ball rolling, please sign this petition, and e-mail these anti-American left-wing idiots until their inboxes explode:
Mayor - Tom Bates 2180 Milvia Street, Berkeley, CA 94704 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org TEL: (510) 981-7100 FAX: (510) 981-7199 TDD: (510) 981-6903 Office Hours: Mon-Fri 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
CITY COUNCIL MEMBERS
Linda Maio Phone: (510) 981-7110 FAX: (510) 981-7111 Email: email@example.com
Darryl Moore Phone: (510) 981-7120 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Maxwell Anderson Phone: (510) 981-7130 Email: email@example.com
Dona Spring Phone: (510) 981-7140 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Laurie Capitelli Phone: (510) 981-7150 Email: email@example.com
Betty Olds Phone: (510) 981-7160 Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
Kriss Worthington Phone: (510) 981-7170 Email: email@example.com
Gordon Wozniak Phone: (510) 981-7180 Email: GWozniak@ci.berkeley.ca.us
City Auditor Ann Marie TEL: (510) 981-6750, TDD: (510) 981-6903 Office Hours: Mon-Fri, 8am-5pm Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
If all else fails, perhaps the Marines should retreat and call in an air strike on the city. I could pull that trigger myself and never lose a moment’s sleep.