Here are my resolutions (which I don’t make) for 2004:
- I will leave my caps lock on 24x7x364, using Title Case on the 4th of July only.
- I will find a way to catch and save the little, black and green detritis unloosed through dental flossing.
- I will convince one person each week throughout the year that someone is out to get them, and that that someone is getting closer and closer.
- I will write a book of little value, either as literature or criticism or entertainment.
- I will send letters to 27 people I don’t know asking them to send me $1,000 in exchange for nothing. If they’d prefer, they can send $500 in exchange for my favorite pieces of dental flossing byproducts.
- I will part my hair on the right side for 7 minutes a day.
- I will stare at my reflection in the mirror each morning and pretend to recognize the face.
- I will one room three different colors.
- I will organize my luggage by size, shape, and color.